Time flies so fast. I am still trying to reflect on how my 2015 went. I was actually trying to imagine if it went well or if I did well or not. I still feel nostalgic about some of the events that happened in my life. But, what I can only do is to leave my footprints and bring the memories and lessons with me.
Before I start this post, let me just emphasize my praise: THANK YOU LORD!
I cannot imagine how I survived this year full of surprises, testings, triumphs, treasures, failures, small deaths, closed doors, trash can moments, verges of giving up, bitter disappointments, loss and redemption.
If given a chance to sum up my year in one word, I will choose the word:
There are six major transitions that happened in my life this year and let me share it to all of you.
Denial to Acceptance
Last February 2015, I found out that I have an ovarian cyst. I was trying to deny that fact in my heart even if the results are already in front of me. I even burned the papers so that I can forget about it. There are days that I feel that intense pain. I cannot help myself but to cry and ask God if I can just die so that I will be naive of what pain is anymore.
I even told myself and some of my friends "If this will be cancerous, that will be awesome! At least I will not have a hard time. I will just wait for the doctors to put an end in my life." I got a lot of violent reactions, who wouldn't? I was so negative about my situation because I feel so helpless.
Despite my negativity, God never failed to remind me of how He heals and restores people, not only physically but in all aspects. So, I started praying to Him and I declared Jeremiah 31:13 in my life: "that He will turn my sorrow into joy." I started encouraging other people that GOD WILL HEAL ME. Praise God! The cyst was benign. So I stopped myself from denying the facts and just take that one step forward towards acceptance and allowing God to use that situation for His glory to be seen.
"And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord." - Luke 1:45
I am still in the process of praying for my total healing. I know, that the Lord will fulfill His promises to me in His perfect timing.
Loss to Gain
I lost some friends because of our differences and unbelief. I must say, not being able to respect another person's convictions. I do not get it why people value other people's mistakes than those memories that they've made together.
I will not be a hypocrite, I tried my best to save those relationships but, these people started labeling me as "unworthy" and they even cursed me and said a lot of discouraging words.
Of course, I am sad because I lost them. It is not easy, especially when I see them. But I realized that, probably, their purpose in my life is already over. So I stopped pursuing them and saving those relationships.
I thank God because I have gained a lot of new friends and sisters in Christ. And I am now focused on cultivating them.
Hatred to Love
I can say that this is one of the hardest transitions I can have in my entire life. I have to love those people who ruined my life, forgive those people who stole the most important part of my womanhood. I have to forgive those men who raped me and ruined my entire life. I even need to pray for them. What?!?
At first, it was really hard -- I mean VERY HARD. Hard because no one is willing to help me, no one is willing to to listen to me and lend their shoulders to me. But, still, I praise God because He gave me the strength to carry on and of course, to love and forgive and give grace.
We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother. - 1 John 4:19-21
Promotion to Resignation
I was working in a multi-international company and I was aiming for a higher position. My papers are now being processed by the Human Resources Department and I was just waiting for it to be approved.
I did everything to impress my bosses and the other managers for my promotion to be approved. However, the Lord did His perfect way of telling me to stop being prideful and being disobedient to His will.
He orchestrated everything in His perfect timing. He made sure that I am going to be ready to take the journey of being a full - time calligraphy artist.
I remember the story about the Healing at Bethesda (John 5:1 - 17). There is a scene there wherein God told the sick man "Get up, take your bed, and walk." The sick man immediately obeyed. Honestly, I had a hard time obeying when God spoke to me through a friend "Marj, sometimes, you need to allow God to close the main door and open windows of opportunities for you. God knows what He is doing, do not doubt Him. Where He guides, He provides."
So I immediately filed my resignation letter and gave it to my boss for approval. At first, he insisted. He didn't want me to resign. He was trying to convince me not to do so. However, God made a way for my boss to let me go.
I remember the story about the Healing at Bethesda (John 5:1 - 17). There is a scene there wherein God told the sick man "Get up, take your bed, and walk." The sick man immediately obeyed. Honestly, I had a hard time obeying when God spoke to me through a friend "Marj, sometimes, you need to allow God to close the main door and open windows of opportunities for you. God knows what He is doing, do not doubt Him. Where He guides, He provides."
So I immediately filed my resignation letter and gave it to my boss for approval. At first, he insisted. He didn't want me to resign. He was trying to convince me not to do so. However, God made a way for my boss to let me go.
"When God guides, He provides."
Ashes to Beauty
I won't deny it, I am still at that stage wherein I need to absorb everything yet, I need to be in awe of Jesus.
I know, in my heart that "I am worthless and I do not deserve all of the good things." I needed to admit that "I am not okay." But, I also need to totally surrender my heart, my ugly story and let God turn it into beauty. I need to shut the doors of depression and give up on my shattered dreams and let God work on them.
And God is still in the business of writing my beautiful story out of the ashes. What are we all seeing now is just a glimpse of it.
I know, in my heart that "I am worthless and I do not deserve all of the good things." I needed to admit that "I am not okay." But, I also need to totally surrender my heart, my ugly story and let God turn it into beauty. I need to shut the doors of depression and give up on my shattered dreams and let God work on them.
And God is still in the business of writing my beautiful story out of the ashes. What are we all seeing now is just a glimpse of it.
"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,because the Lord has anointed meto proclaim good news to the poor.He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,to proclaim freedom for the captivesand release from darkness for the prisoners,to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favorand the day of vengeance of our God,to comfort all who mourn,and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,the oil of joy instead of mourning,and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.They will be called oaks of righteousness,a planting of the Lordfor the display of his splendor." - Isaiah 61:1-3
Career to Calling
I strongly believe that I have all the credentials to have the best YOLO-ing corporate life ever. So as a fresh graduate, I took pride of it. I forgot that I need to work hard for respect. I forgot that I live in a world wherein I need to please people because I am an achiever.
I always thought that the career I had in the corporate setting is the best thing I can brag next to my Latin Honors. I thought, I can brag that I did my tasks excellently and beyond expectations.
But I was wrong in saying or thinking such things. I was indeed wrong when I said that I need to please my superiors just to get the highest position a "prideful" fresh graduate can have. I was wrong in prioritizing having a high paying job than having a fruitful job.
So God lead me to the right bible verse and people who will help me and will give me pieces of advice to overcome the struggles I have every day as a full - time artist.
Who said it was easy? No! It wasn't an easy journey. The 7 months I had were full of testings, loss, doubts, moments of giving up and debates with God.
But I praise God because He allowed me to hold 8 big workshops and several pay-as-you-wish workshops for the benefit of our brethren.
I always thought that the career I had in the corporate setting is the best thing I can brag next to my Latin Honors. I thought, I can brag that I did my tasks excellently and beyond expectations.
But I was wrong in saying or thinking such things. I was indeed wrong when I said that I need to please my superiors just to get the highest position a "prideful" fresh graduate can have. I was wrong in prioritizing having a high paying job than having a fruitful job.
So God lead me to the right bible verse and people who will help me and will give me pieces of advice to overcome the struggles I have every day as a full - time artist.
Who said it was easy? No! It wasn't an easy journey. The 7 months I had were full of testings, loss, doubts, moments of giving up and debates with God.
But I praise God because He allowed me to hold 8 big workshops and several pay-as-you-wish workshops for the benefit of our brethren.
Until now, I am still in awe of how my year went. I feel nostalgic and at the same time excited for what's in store for me this coming 2016. For now, all I can say is THANK YOU. I AM GRATEFUL AND TEARS.
I wanna end this post with a wonderful testimony:
Since that day my mother carried me at her womb, until the day I came out to see this wonderful world. He is faithful. And until now, He is faithful. I am sure, my ways are different from His. But one thing is certain, He will never fail to spark that fire He has set in my heart. He will never fail to be faithful, no matter how I doubt Him. He will chase me with wonders. He will always be the "Great I Am" even if I see myself greater than Him at times.
HAVE A BLESSED 2016 EVERYONE!
He who was seated on the throne said,
"I am making everything new!"
Then he said,
"Write this down, for these words
are trustworthy and true."
- Revelation 21:5
